When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did, after throwing off my blanket of cats,
was do a google search for non-religious reasons to oppose (yea, you read that right) gay marriage. Apparently, they exist, and are bountiful!
I’m going to need more coffee for this.
Much better. So, to avoid making your eyes bleed, the following take-down will focus on the funnier reasons. Follow the link if you need more fail, but I warn you: what has been seen cannot be unseen.
You’d think they’d start with their strongest reason, but no:
1. The essential public purpose of marriage is to attach mothers and fathers to their children and to one another.
Dude, we have something to attach mothers to children: it’s called the umbilical cord. We’ll call the rest of this reason the “let’s disadvantage bastards like in the good old days” argument.
3. Man/woman marriage sets the foundation for children to have the same biological, legal and care-giving parents. Same-sex marriage separates these functions among different people.
Ah, I see. So the other policies we should enact in pursuit of that lofty goal include:
a)Forced abortions. We can’t go around letting married women give birth to another man’s child.
b)Forced marriage: if a woman is raped, that’s not the kid’s fault. Sure, this list is non-religious, but we can all see the biblical wisdom in forcing women to marry their rapists to set the foundation for kids to have the same biological and legal parents.
c)No divorce. Your husband beats you? Too bad! You wouldn’t want him to stop caring for your kids, after all.
Compelling, no? And we’re only on #3!
8. Each member of the same sex couple may be a fine parent. But two mothers do not add up to a father.
A penis is an essential part of any child’s upbringing. That’s what the Catholic Church has been saying for decades.
11., 12., 13. Every child is entitled to a relationship with both parents.
So no sperm donation, no surrogacy, and for god’s sake, NO adoption! The worst thing ever would be for a child to not know the sperm donor who’s currently incarcerated for child abuse, and to be forced to settle for the utter horror of…another loving, supportive mother.
Deliberately conceiving a child with the life-plan that he or she will never have a relationship with his or her father is cruel and unjust to the child.
Wow, where do you even start? They are really obsessed with the idea of gay women having kids without a man’s supervision. It’s like it’s never occurred to them that a child could have a relationship with a non-custodial parent, or that the father may not want to actually be a parent to the child he helps another couple conceive. My parents divorced; it hardly meant I could no longer have a relationship with my dad.
25. Some children in step parent homes explicitly pit the parents against each other.
Yea, because kids with married bio parents never go to mom after dad says no. Children in stepparent homes generally are adjusting to a new parental figure. The idea that kids might be miffed at the situation only because they don’t share genes, and therefore kids raised by a gay couple would have the same issues, is bizarre and unjustified. As for the attacks on stepparents in general: what garbage.
29. Same sex marriage makes an implicit statement that…sex is irrelevant to parenting.
Yep! Ding ding ding!
30. Even same sex couples believe sex is relevant: the sex of their partners.
The sad thing is, this is meant to be a “gotcha.” The sex of their partners is relevant because they’re having sex with their partners. Could this be any more obvious?
30. A lesbian insists on a female sex partner. Even a very feminine man will not do.
Ha! You speaking from experience here? Because something tells me that’s not entirely accurate.
31. It is unjust for the law to decree that adults are entitled to have what they want, namely, partners of the same sex, while children have to accept whatever we give them.
O rly>? That’s the hill you’re planting your flag on? Because that’s kind of the whole point of being a parent.
The worst injustice of our age.
32.Mothers and fathers each make unique contributions to a child’s development. Father absence creates risks that mother absence does not create.
“Two dads? That’s fine with us for some reason!”
33. Teenaged girls not living with their fathers
are at risk for early sexual activity, multiple sexual partners, out of wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections.
How does someone become “at risk for” multiple sexual partners?
34. Teenaged boys not living with their fathers are at risk for juvenile delinquency, violence, criminal activity, gang membership, and incarceration.
What a relief to know that teenaged boys aren’t at risk for early sexual activity or multiple partners. I wonder who all the teenage girls are having early sexual activity with, though?
35. Preteen girls not living with their biological fathers get their menstrual periods earlier than girls who live with their fathers. This is associated with a host of health problems including [examples].
Ya know what else is associated with early periods? Getting enough to eat as a child, which is associated with quite a few positive outcomes. It’s a good thing those preteen girls will later get pregnant out of wedlock, since earlier first pregnancy reduces your lifetime risk of all those things early menarche increases your risk for! Problem solved.
36. Children need guidance in developing their sexual identities. Same-sex marriage will make this more difficult, if not legally forbidden.
The only way this makes sense is if “guidance in developing their sexual identity” is the new euphemism for “kicking your kid out on the streets for being a no-good queer.”
But wait! There’s more! See part 2.