Along with religious delusions, dudely entitlement is another enormous pet peeve of mine. While it can be frustrating to deal with directly, it can also lead to lots of lulz. One such lul went down on facebook yesterday, between myself and the dude who authored the quote in the ‘About Me’ section. Let’s call him Ballsack
The thread was a response to an article on a Christian website called “Man Series that argues that women should never burden poor dudes with expectations. That would be wrong. Nevertheless, Vagina-Americans should always be open to being pursued by the author, but also not attract unnecessary attention to ourselves. We should be straight-forward, but not controlling, humble, but confident. You couldn’t make this shit up.
Ballsack opens with this:
[Name], it’s amazing how so many women I’ve met equate being rude and jerk with being sincere, which they like! Obviously if he’s being a jerk he can’t be interested in sex–he’s doesn’t even seem much interested in the woman. Of course, it’s just two sides of the same coin. What nice guys, and ladies, should realize is that being nice isn’t the problem–it’s being boring. –Ballsack
Baffled by his apparent belief that women enjoy rude men because they sincerely are uninterested in sex (lol wut?), I did what I do best: I poked him with a stick.
I don’t understand the syllogism here.
[Premise #1] Jerks are sincere. They don’t like women or sex.
[unstated premise#2] Women don’t like sex.
[Conclusion] Women like jerks, because jerks “can’t be interested in sex,” “which they like!”
As I was writing my syllogism, he expanded on his total ineptitude with boob-havers:
Sadly, most men aren’t taught how to inniate relationships with women.[…] I’ve talked to dozens of women about how men should approach women and if they have an answer at all it’s usually along the lines of buy her a drink (even though you don’t know her and she will take the drink if she likes you or not, glady spending your money) and then something vague like “be funny” and “be charming” as if that is clear advice or easy to do. Ever try being funny or charming on demand? It quickly becomes clear both sexes are clueless.
Hm. I sensed I would need a bigger stick. So, in an attempt to be helpful, I explained that a woman who accepts a drink from a stranger is not psychic and does not know in advance whether she will like this stranger. Buying a drink is a conversation-opener, not a sexytime contract.
Ha ha. So a woman I don’t even know wants me to buy her a drink for 10 minutes to try to impress her? LMAO Wow, talk about entitlement…. If I talk to her and I like her then I’ll buy her a drink, like I would do for any of my friends. I always buy my friends drinks, but never strangers.
So, what’s the problem here? Note how ballsack goes from self-pity about not knowing how to initiate relationships with women, to anger at these entitled bitches sitting there, minding their own business, not intuiting that this dude wants to talk to them but doesn’t want to spend the impossible length of TEN MINUTES “trying to impress her.” Apparently, she should just jump on his cock the minute he walks in the room.
Seeing the lulz my strategy had produced, I couldn’t help but continue:
You say it depends, but I doubt you’ve ever gone to a bar and try to pick up guys.
Guilty as charged! Maybe it’s because dudes that seethe with rage at my “entitlement” make me uncomfortable. Or maybe he just had a massive gaydar fail.
Again, I patiently explain that she doesn’t want Ballsack to buy her a drink. Ballsack wants to talk to her. Because it can be difficult to start conversations with strangers, we have a social convention that, in a bar, buying a drink can be a great ice breaker.
But, no. Fuck that greedy hypothetical bitch. She’s probably an unemployed prostitute!:
Spending money to break the ice? Fuck that. She can buy me a drink if she thinks it’s such a brilliant idea or sit alone and wait for the next trick to come along. Drinks are $10 a pop. She can get a job if she wants a drink.
I just can’t BELIEVE Ballsack is single and has trouble with the ladies. Poor guy.
And here is where it gets seriously perplexing. The man who said this:
it’s usually […] something vague like “be funny” and “be charming” as if that is clear advice or easy to do. Ever try being funny or charming on demand?
senses his masculinity is being questioned, and evolves from Mediocremon to Grandiosoking:
And despite what you might think, the same lines work almost all the time, no matter the woman. It’s like a good joke: once you get it down, not matter who you tell it to it almost always gets a laugh. If you don’t believe me we can go to a bar, you can point a woman out, and I bet I’ll use the same lines and get her number.
Sure, dude. Can I pick the bar? Ballsack: “You can pick the bar.”
Great, let’s go to [Historic lesbian bar] on Sunday and see who gets the most numbers.
Then I wait, and wait, and wait…
The flounce does not disappoint:
And who cares about this point? I don’t even know why I bothered to jump in this conversation. It’s a waste of intellectual resources.
You shouldn’t waste his intellectual resources during a drought. Guess that’s why his mouth is a low-flow toilet.